I want to share some things about Carol today. I had been struggling with the why's of the whole situation, but some events in the last couple of days have shown me that the why isn't as important as the Who and Where. Let me explain. Today, rather than attend a funeral, we had a Celebration of Life. It was quite a celebration. We all tried to wear Carol's favorite color of teal or turquoise, there really wasn't alot of crying, and there was a deep message from everyone that Carol lived her life the way we all should try to live up to. Her Faith came first, her family a close second, then all children, but everyone else she met were right up there as well. We had an opportunity to share memories of Carol during the service and the recurring theme was that Carol had helped so many people in tough times just with her lovingness, her faith, and her attention. She greeted everyone with delight, she never had a negative word to say about anyone, she never had a down day, really she was just wonderful. And we are not saying these things because she died. This is how she lived her life, and if I can take just one step towards living my life the way she did I will be a much better person. Her Mother got up to share with us that Carol has been this way from the very beginning, and that after hearing what everyone had to say, she believes that it is ok that God took Carol because she has lived a life more full than most of the rest of us. I agree. She did so much work for Jesus here on earth, I hope she is up there just singing her heart out.
My personal story about how Carol affected my life starts on almost my first day of work. I had been struggling with the transition from my other job and really felt apart from everyone. I was sad and close to crying. When I shared this with Carol (as we were walking down the stairs), she stopped, took my hands and said a prayer for me. I had never had that experience of someone just dropping everything to pray for little old me. I started loving her that day. Then throughout the year when I would walk in her room in the morning, she just lit up. She always seemed so happy to see me and I felt so special and loved. She even made comments that she missed me when we had a long weekend. My heart was full around Carol, and I think everyone who knew her agrees. What I would like to take from the loss of my friend is a commitment to be kinder, friendlier, and more open with the people around me. If just a little bit of her lives on in those of us who are left, it will be worth it.
What I also came to understand is that faith is so very important. Because of their faith, Carol's family is sad but not broken. They know that she is in heaven celebrating with the ones who went before her and that they will see her soon enough. They are able to go with their lives, having babies, getting married, being a teenager, knowing that she is watching over them.
I also want to share a passage from the novel I happened to be reading during all this. I don't think it was a coincidence and this really helped me. It is from The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs:
"I believe that sometimes medical issues just happen-they're not cosmic tests; they're not retribution for all the naughty things you've done over a lifetime," he said. "It's not some moral righting of the universe. It's just something going wonky with the wiring."
"Okay, and..."
"And I think God cries when we're in pain; he cries with us and he supports us. But I also believe he stands back and lets us sort things out. Lets the doctors do their work. Lets your body heal itself."
"And if it doesn't?"
"Then he welcomes you with open arms. God isn't really about the body, you know-he's about the soul."
"So if I pray hard enough I'll get better?"
"No, no, that's not what I mean at all. Praying isn't a form of divine insurance. It's just a way of communicating, just a way of opening your heart."
So I believe that Carol was welcomed to heaven with open arms, and that she lived with a perpetually open heart. (I really enjoyed that book, by the way, you should read it.) I will miss her, but I hope to come away from this experience a better, stronger person.
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