My Friend Carol

I want to share some things about Carol today. I had been struggling with the why's of the whole situation, but some events in the last couple of days have shown me that the why isn't as important as the Who and Where. Let me explain. Today, rather than attend a funeral, we had a Celebration of Life. It was quite a celebration. We all tried to wear Carol's favorite color of teal or turquoise, there really wasn't alot of crying, and there was a deep message from everyone that Carol lived her life the way we all should try to live up to. Her Faith came first, her family a close second, then all children, but everyone else she met were right up there as well. We had an opportunity to share memories of Carol during the service and the recurring theme was that Carol had helped so many people in tough times just with her lovingness, her faith, and her attention. She greeted everyone with delight, she never had a negative word to say about anyone, she never had a down day, really she was just wonderful. And we are not saying these things because she died. This is how she lived her life, and if I can take just one step towards living my life the way she did I will be a much better person. Her Mother got up to share with us that Carol has been this way from the very beginning, and that after hearing what everyone had to say, she believes that it is ok that God took Carol because she has lived a life more full than most of the rest of us. I agree. She did so much work for Jesus here on earth, I hope she is up there just singing her heart out.
My personal story about how Carol affected my life starts on almost my first day of work. I had been struggling with the transition from my other job and really felt apart from everyone. I was sad and close to crying. When I shared this with Carol (as we were walking down the stairs), she stopped, took my hands and said a prayer for me. I had never had that experience of someone just dropping everything to pray for little old me. I started loving her that day. Then throughout the year when I would walk in her room in the morning, she just lit up. She always seemed so happy to see me and I felt so special and loved. She even made comments that she missed me when we had a long weekend. My heart was full around Carol, and I think everyone who knew her agrees. What I would like to take from the loss of my friend is a commitment to be kinder, friendlier, and more open with the people around me. If just a little bit of her lives on in those of us who are left, it will be worth it.
What I also came to understand is that faith is so very important. Because of their faith, Carol's family is sad but not broken. They know that she is in heaven celebrating with the ones who went before her and that they will see her soon enough. They are able to go with their lives, having babies, getting married, being a teenager, knowing that she is watching over them.
I also want to share a passage from the novel I happened to be reading during all this. I don't think it was a coincidence and this really helped me. It is from The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs:
"I believe that sometimes medical issues just happen-they're not cosmic tests; they're not retribution for all the naughty things you've done over a lifetime," he said. "It's not some moral righting of the universe. It's just something going wonky with the wiring."
"Okay, and..."
"And I think God cries when we're in pain; he cries with us and he supports us. But I also believe he stands back and lets us sort things out. Lets the doctors do their work. Lets your body heal itself."
"And if it doesn't?"
"Then he welcomes you with open arms. God isn't really about the body, you know-he's about the soul."
"So if I pray hard enough I'll get better?"
"No, no, that's not what I mean at all. Praying isn't a form of divine insurance. It's just a way of communicating, just a way of opening your heart."

So I believe that Carol was welcomed to heaven with open arms, and that she lived with a perpetually open heart. (I really enjoyed that book, by the way, you should read it.) I will miss her, but I hope to come away from this experience a better, stronger person.

Sad News

Carol went home with Jesus last night. Please help me pray for her family and friends to be comforted in this difficult time.

Life Continues

In less than 24 hours Daddy wil be home! The last two weeks have gone pretty fast, and it was nice that I had my sister and my MIL to help me out, but I am so ready for Daddy to take back some of the routine. I cannot imagine how single Moms do it. I would very quickly lose my mind without my other half. The bed has also been pretty lonely, and the last few nights I've had a really hard time sleeping. Last night I actually got up at 3 in the morning to pay a bill I realized I had forgotten. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep better tomorrow night.

I got my heart rate monitor the other day and have been using it to work out. The one thing I've learned is that I'm burning way less calories than what I was calculating. That and that fact that I've been hungry all the time lately might account for why I haven't lost any weight in several weeks. I also learned that when I do my cardio, like Jillian or Tae bo, my heart rate goes way higher than my "target heart rate". I actually have to slow down from what I normally can do, but I need to figure out a way to do a longer workout. I think I'm going to try doing a video in the morning and elliptical in the evening to burn more calories. I am not a dieter and I refuse to cut back my intake any more. We'll see.

I get to go to Joey's school tomorrow for "Portfolio Day." He's going to show me what he's been doing all year, I guess. He's pretty excited about it because he said that he and his friends cleaned their room today and made a welcome sign. Then Friday is report card day and his last day. They have an hour on Monday, but it is not mandatory, there is no transportation, and I will be in training, so Friday will be Joey's last day of Kindergarten. Acckk. It's ok, I still have one more baby to go through it. I think it will be more traumatic in 3 years when Ben is done because then there will be no more. I've hemmed and hawed about another baby, but I'm back on the I'm done side. Anyway...I've been really good about giving teacher gifts all year, and of course I don't have anything ready for tomorrow. I'm thinking about making a card with my cricut, and running out for gift cards in the morning. I do appreciate, as a teacher, my gift cards. Yeah, that'll work.

We're still praying hard for Carol. Not too much news today, good or bad.

Ok, now it's 11:30, but here are the cards I made. Pretty cute, I think.

We Need A Miracle

We are not getting good news about Carol. It seems the Doctors think she is going to stay in the almost vegetative state until the other brain tumors kill her. We've been so hopeful despite all the negatives, but the latest update sounds so devastating. I am having a hard time understanding why God is taking such a warm, joyful, faithful servant as Carol. We need her here. Her family needs her here. She has so much left to do. So now we are praying for a miracle. A big one. God, please hear us. Your will be done, but please, please bring her back.

I'm Sleepy but...

It's real late, but I want to let everyone know that Carol now has a caringbridge website. I added the link on the left. The Drs now seem more hopeful that she will wake up. They are keeping her in a "twilight" sleep for the next few days to allow more healing, though.

Also, hubby had his first day in London. He is downloading pictures to snapfish each day. If you'd like to look, click here. Today he ended his email by saying Cheers. Obnoxious. That's ok, I had quite a shopping spree in Chicago tonight, and I have plans for even more shopping in the next few days.