Phew

I've been playing with my pictures on Photoshop Elements again. I really like how these turned out.

Saturday we had swim lessons, and I worked at the same time. Daddy came to watch and both boys did a great job. As soon as we were done we headed into Chicago for Daddy's brother's High School Graduation party. It was good to see his brothers and sister, but jeez do they have some ornery grandmas. There was lots of avoiding and complaining and I was ready to leave within an hour of arriving. The boys were obliviously playing on the trampoline the whole time we were there. We finally left at about 7, and got home close to 9:15. I realized at Belvidere that I had forgotten my camera. Grrr. So one of those ornery, I mean kind, Grandmas had to bring it to me Sunday. Phew. At least someone else had to drive out here. So when we got home I headed right back out to scrap night. I can count on one hand the number of times I have started my evening after nine o'clock. Used to be I was in bed by then. I'm glad I went even though I didn't bring anything to work on because there were all kinds of birthday presents waiting for me. Thanks girls for all the goodies. I had to take my gift cards yesterday and spend them. I just got some little stuff and some card stock. Also stopped at Kohl's because I was down to one bra that I liked. I hate bra shopping. After my shopping I came home and decided to organize all my scrap stuff. I stole a case with compartments from Daddy's fishing supplies and put all my small embellishments in one place. Then I played a bit with my cricut. I haven't finished a page, but I have lots of ideas swirling around for it. I also played on ebay for a bit (any longer and I'd be broke). I got a new cartridge and some vinyl so I can make stickers for the walls, probably mostly at school for now.

Today I had to work all the way on the other side of town at 7:45 so I had to leave at 7:15. I knew it would be hard to get up this morning because I'm used to sleeping in the last few weeks, so I tried to go to bed at a reasonable hour. And laid there for 2 hours. Then Ben woke up with an asthma attack at 3. Then I was awake at 5. And 6. Part of it was me being nervous because I was starting at a new place. I better get used to it because I am floating all summer. So I got there at 7:45 and got off at 5:15. Long day for a girl who has been working part-time (sorry Jacque). But I really loved working with my participant. He is such a sweetheart, just very delayed speech. Tomorrow and Wednesday I go back there all day. Tonight we're about to head to the library, then (possibly) to watch a baseball game. Tomorrow Daddy is test-driving a car for me. Not the car of my dreams, but managable. I'll give more details if we get it. I'm tired of getting my hopes up and then nothing, so I'm trying not to think about it too much. Look for a new post soon about Daddy and his ummm, craziness.

I'm Bored

The boys went with Grandma to Iowa for today and tomorrow and I hate to say it but I'm bored out of my mind. I worked this morning at school and this afternoon at the Park District, read for a while and watched a Grey's rerun and now I have nothing to do. I want to work out but I'm not feeling it. I should get groceries while I'm by myself, but see previous sentence. So here I am typing blather on my blog. I still can't get pictures to upload, ggrrr. Oh, wait, look at that. I got one. Now let me try some more...
Here's Ben showing off at gymnastics. The skills seem to come naturally, we just have to work on listening and staying on track.

And swim lessons. Same problems. We do call him tadpole when he gets in the big pool, though 'cause that kid can move.Here's Joey at his big boy lessons. He's really tiny and can't reach the bottom, but he is doing really well at trying everything.

Can't get much cuter than that. I remember how cute it was when he first got his teeth, and now it's cute that he is losing them. Mostly he's pretty cute all the time ;)

And here are both my cuties and their cousin Ana climbing in trees at the Father's Day family picnic.

Saturday is Daddy's brother Jeff's graduation party in Chicago, then I'm hoping we get back in time for some scrappin at Sarahs. Sunday I'm thinkin Magic Waters, and we're going to try for a zoo trip this week. Joey really likes the Music in the Park that is every Tuesday and Thursday, so we are going to try to get to those again, and I want to check out Imagination Station on Wednesday.

My Friend Carol

I want to share some things about Carol today. I had been struggling with the why's of the whole situation, but some events in the last couple of days have shown me that the why isn't as important as the Who and Where. Let me explain. Today, rather than attend a funeral, we had a Celebration of Life. It was quite a celebration. We all tried to wear Carol's favorite color of teal or turquoise, there really wasn't alot of crying, and there was a deep message from everyone that Carol lived her life the way we all should try to live up to. Her Faith came first, her family a close second, then all children, but everyone else she met were right up there as well. We had an opportunity to share memories of Carol during the service and the recurring theme was that Carol had helped so many people in tough times just with her lovingness, her faith, and her attention. She greeted everyone with delight, she never had a negative word to say about anyone, she never had a down day, really she was just wonderful. And we are not saying these things because she died. This is how she lived her life, and if I can take just one step towards living my life the way she did I will be a much better person. Her Mother got up to share with us that Carol has been this way from the very beginning, and that after hearing what everyone had to say, she believes that it is ok that God took Carol because she has lived a life more full than most of the rest of us. I agree. She did so much work for Jesus here on earth, I hope she is up there just singing her heart out.
My personal story about how Carol affected my life starts on almost my first day of work. I had been struggling with the transition from my other job and really felt apart from everyone. I was sad and close to crying. When I shared this with Carol (as we were walking down the stairs), she stopped, took my hands and said a prayer for me. I had never had that experience of someone just dropping everything to pray for little old me. I started loving her that day. Then throughout the year when I would walk in her room in the morning, she just lit up. She always seemed so happy to see me and I felt so special and loved. She even made comments that she missed me when we had a long weekend. My heart was full around Carol, and I think everyone who knew her agrees. What I would like to take from the loss of my friend is a commitment to be kinder, friendlier, and more open with the people around me. If just a little bit of her lives on in those of us who are left, it will be worth it.
What I also came to understand is that faith is so very important. Because of their faith, Carol's family is sad but not broken. They know that she is in heaven celebrating with the ones who went before her and that they will see her soon enough. They are able to go with their lives, having babies, getting married, being a teenager, knowing that she is watching over them.
I also want to share a passage from the novel I happened to be reading during all this. I don't think it was a coincidence and this really helped me. It is from The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs:
"I believe that sometimes medical issues just happen-they're not cosmic tests; they're not retribution for all the naughty things you've done over a lifetime," he said. "It's not some moral righting of the universe. It's just something going wonky with the wiring."
"Okay, and..."
"And I think God cries when we're in pain; he cries with us and he supports us. But I also believe he stands back and lets us sort things out. Lets the doctors do their work. Lets your body heal itself."
"And if it doesn't?"
"Then he welcomes you with open arms. God isn't really about the body, you know-he's about the soul."
"So if I pray hard enough I'll get better?"
"No, no, that's not what I mean at all. Praying isn't a form of divine insurance. It's just a way of communicating, just a way of opening your heart."

So I believe that Carol was welcomed to heaven with open arms, and that she lived with a perpetually open heart. (I really enjoyed that book, by the way, you should read it.) I will miss her, but I hope to come away from this experience a better, stronger person.

Take This Quiz - Updates Later

I took this quiz from Jacque. I don't know if I am that much of a risk-taker, but I do think it is important to love your job. Go ahead, take the quiz and see where you end up.

I'm a Talent!

You're a risk-taker, and you follow your passions. You're determined to take on the world and succeed on your own terms. Whether in the arts, science, engineering, business, or politics, you fearlessly express your own vision of the world. You're not afraid of a fight, and you're not afraid to bet your future on your own abilities. If you find a job boring or stifling, you're already preparing your resume. You believe in doing what you love, and you're not willing to settle for an ordinary life.

Talent: 59%
Lifer: 36%
Mandarin: 46%

Take the Talent, Lifer, or Mandarin quiz.


PS. I've been trying to upload pictures the last few days with no success. As soon as I can do that I'll give an update. Also, the Celebration of Carol's Life is today. At the visitation last night, I stood in line for over an hour. She was well-loved and will be sorely missed.

Sad News

Carol went home with Jesus last night. Please help me pray for her family and friends to be comforted in this difficult time.

Happy Birthday Joey!

My big boy is six years old today. I remember like it was yesterday going to the hospital to have him, and here he is almost grown up. Well, getting there anyways. And he is about to lose his first tooth. We're hoping it comes out today so he can remember it that way. We're not having a party, just family over for cake later, but he gets to choose where we eat for lunch and dinner and pick out a toy at Toys R Us. I'm sure that will be an adventure because he is into Indiana Jones and Kung Fu Panda right now and does not make quick decisions.
So here's to my little man. I hope the growing up slows down soon. I can't even blink or I'll miss it. First grade, handstands, swimming, dodgeball, friends, sleepovers all coming up.

The New Job

Oh man, sorry I haven't been around lately. It's the summer bug. I started my job this week and just getting into doing something new is always stressful. The job itself is pretty easy- I get to play games with a bunch of kids for 4 hours a day. We played dodgeball, capture the flag, foursquare, ships and sailors, kickball, and camoflage in the last two days. I haven't had any specific kids assigned to me yet, but there is one that I think I'll be working with starting tomorrow. He seems like he'll be fun, just a ball of energy.
The boys started swim lessons on Saturday. They both did great, although Joey is a little short for the big pool.
K.. I'm actually at a loss for what else to talk about. We are heading out to Concert in the Park in a bit, so I'll try to think of something to add later.

Like, Stuff

*The boys started gymnastics last night. Ben is in the Little Stars with 5 other girls, which I think is better because he has a better role model. He did really, really well. He listened to his teacher and when he did get distracted and start to wander, he came right back when she called him. Joey is in Boys Sport Readiness with 2 other boys. I am so glad I put him in this. He gets lots of one-on-one, he's already doing new things, he loves it and so far wants to do it forever, and hopefully he can make some friends in the process.
*This morning Ben got screened for preschool. He pretty much refused to do anything for a while, wouldn't separate from me, and even when he started participating he refused to do anything he wasn't sure he could do right. So based on that, he was admitted to Parker Center for the fall. Mostly I am very happy that he got in because I know he needs the extra help and I've faced the reality that I am not providing it. I'm just a little sad that my baby needs extra help and I can't solve it by myself for him. We haven't been able to get him in for the psych eval, so this makes me feel a little better that we are taking steps.
*Last night the whole staff at my school got together to discuss what we are going to do next year. We know now that Carol will not be back, so we can start to figure out who is going to take her place. Some of the ladies who have been there for 25 years or more feel very uncomfortable having someone new or young take over. This really is directed at me since I am the only director-qualified staff right now. The whole situation is just very difficult because no one wants to hurt anyone's feelings, but they also don't want anything to change. I actually don't have hurt feelings over being told that they don't want me to take over. I can step back and see their point, plus I really don't feel prepared for the position. One solution we are talking about is having 2 people be co-directors, but there are issues that go along with that too.
*On the subject of birthdays: I wasn't really going to talk about it on here because I don't want to be like "It's my birthday, please acknowledge!" But tomorrow I will be IN my thirties. Last year when I turned 30 it wasn't a big deal to me. I felt like I was in a good place in my life and doing the things I wanted to do when I was 30. But now I'm going to be IN my thirties. Thirty-one. That's old. And these past two weeks I've been in training for my summer job with mostly 16 to 18 year olds. They are babies. Seriously. Did I act like that? I don't think. Oh man, now I really sound old. But these kids were born when I was in high school. They were born in the 90's. Oh. My. God. I need to stop. No more thinking about it. Goodbye.

Quick

Gotta say real quick that I am lovin my blog list.

And I forgot to talk about Joey's report card: All S's except one P in learning center for listening. I think the librarian gave that to everyone. My smart wonderful boy.

Summer Changes

I just got reprimanded for not updating my blog in a while...sorry. Daddy got home Thursday night, and it has been an adjustment getting used to all of our new schedules. I have been training for my summer job along with stopping by my school job every couple of days to check mail and messages. Joey had his last day of school Friday which was bittersweet. He's getting so big and he really enjoyed Kindergarten. I hope he loves First grade just as much. Daddy started working nights today so we are really messed up on time right now. To me it feels like early afternoon right now even though it is almost 6. We're not really sure what we're going to do for dinner during this time because I don't really like cooking for just the three of us and I don't want him eating fast food every night. Wednesday the boys start their gymnastics classes and Saturday is their first swimm lesson of the season. I noticed the pool was open when i drove by today, so hopefully we'll be able to go soon for a swim (maybe when all these thunderstorms and tornados finally go away).
I just want to briefly talk about my training today. It was crisis prevention and intervention training, and I got some great tips for dealing with situations that I'm sure I will encounter this summer. But...I was a little distracted. The instructor told us from the beginning that she talks really fast and boy does she. She would tell us some thing, then finish with "Know what I mean?" except it came out "knowdmean?". Once I noticed this quirk I also noticed that she said it alot. Like every sentence. At one point I started counting before I decided that would be too obnoxious. But I really had a hard time focusing on what she was telling us because I was waiting for "knowdmean?"
On another topic...I did it again. those of you that have known me for a while know that I am "slow to warm up." I'm shy and I have a hard time starting conversations with people I don't know. Pretty much every job I've had, once I get to know people they tell me that they used to think I was a b**** because I didn't talk to them. Well, I'm not a b*** at least not intentionally but I apparently don't give good first impressions. I thought I was getting better, and I know I'm getting better about confrontations, but one of my coworkers at my school job sat me down today and had a very (brutally) honest conversation with me about how I came off to her in the beginning. She said she eventually figured out that I didn't mean it, but in the meantime she thought I didn't like her. I just wish people would talk to me sooner so I can assure them that my intentions are good, but I'm still working on my communication skills. I need to wear a sign: "beware- personality may appear meaner than true self." It sucks-I know that I have this flaw and I don't seem to be able to fix it. Baby steps. I'm still trying. Also, I am very tender. I know you are saying "Really?" in this really sarcastic voice right now. But really, I feel horrible that this person was offended for that long and I didn't know and I didn't fix it. I'm going to dwell on this for a while now.

So was that a good update? I'm still here, just trying to adjust to lots of changes.

And if you haven't seen Carol's updates: they seem to be getting ready to say good-bye to her. Her whole family is back in town and they have taken her off life support. She is being kept comfortable. It is very sad, but her family is so strong in their faith. They know that she is going to walk with Jesus and she will be waiting for them when they get there. Please still help me pray for strength for the family for these next days and weeks of grief.

Life Continues

In less than 24 hours Daddy wil be home! The last two weeks have gone pretty fast, and it was nice that I had my sister and my MIL to help me out, but I am so ready for Daddy to take back some of the routine. I cannot imagine how single Moms do it. I would very quickly lose my mind without my other half. The bed has also been pretty lonely, and the last few nights I've had a really hard time sleeping. Last night I actually got up at 3 in the morning to pay a bill I realized I had forgotten. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep better tomorrow night.

I got my heart rate monitor the other day and have been using it to work out. The one thing I've learned is that I'm burning way less calories than what I was calculating. That and that fact that I've been hungry all the time lately might account for why I haven't lost any weight in several weeks. I also learned that when I do my cardio, like Jillian or Tae bo, my heart rate goes way higher than my "target heart rate". I actually have to slow down from what I normally can do, but I need to figure out a way to do a longer workout. I think I'm going to try doing a video in the morning and elliptical in the evening to burn more calories. I am not a dieter and I refuse to cut back my intake any more. We'll see.

I get to go to Joey's school tomorrow for "Portfolio Day." He's going to show me what he's been doing all year, I guess. He's pretty excited about it because he said that he and his friends cleaned their room today and made a welcome sign. Then Friday is report card day and his last day. They have an hour on Monday, but it is not mandatory, there is no transportation, and I will be in training, so Friday will be Joey's last day of Kindergarten. Acckk. It's ok, I still have one more baby to go through it. I think it will be more traumatic in 3 years when Ben is done because then there will be no more. I've hemmed and hawed about another baby, but I'm back on the I'm done side. Anyway...I've been really good about giving teacher gifts all year, and of course I don't have anything ready for tomorrow. I'm thinking about making a card with my cricut, and running out for gift cards in the morning. I do appreciate, as a teacher, my gift cards. Yeah, that'll work.

We're still praying hard for Carol. Not too much news today, good or bad.

Ok, now it's 11:30, but here are the cards I made. Pretty cute, I think.

We Need A Miracle

We are not getting good news about Carol. It seems the Doctors think she is going to stay in the almost vegetative state until the other brain tumors kill her. We've been so hopeful despite all the negatives, but the latest update sounds so devastating. I am having a hard time understanding why God is taking such a warm, joyful, faithful servant as Carol. We need her here. Her family needs her here. She has so much left to do. So now we are praying for a miracle. A big one. God, please hear us. Your will be done, but please, please bring her back.

Kids...

Funny stories I have to share before I forget:
Ben just grabbed my measuring tape off the desk (I use it frequently. It has to be out at all times. That half inch I'm going to lose next week is the difference between life and death.) He said " I found your mejister."
"What?"
"The thing to see how high you are."
"But what is it called?"
"A mejister. It mejurs you."
"Oh. A mejister. I understand now."

The other day Ben saw a car that he said looked like his Grandpa's. Joey said Grandpa has a Jeep (he does), and I pointed out that this particular car was a Saturn. One of them asked me why we don't have a car like that. I told them I don't want a Saturn, I want a Mazda. Joey said "yeah, but Daddy wants you to have a Tortoise." Well, yes, Daddy has been pushing a Taurus.

Ok, one more not so funny:
I was just giving myself a pat on the back this afternoon for how well we've done with Daddy gone for two weeks (he gets back Thursday). Then everyone decided to go on a rampage. I spilled the milk gallon all over the floor, Joey waited for me to get it all cleaned and the floor mopped then dumped his plant and dirt from school all over the floor. Ben has been absolutely wild today. He's made Joey cry several times, and he ripped my tablecloth. I must admit that none of that sounds that bad, but I no longer get to praise myself for my patience. There was some "slight" voice raising and a "short" time-out for all of us. Tomorrow is another day.

We're Goin to the Zoo, Zoo, Zoo

Yesterday we picked up Ti-ti (she lives right by the Brookfield Zoo) and headed to the zoo for the day. When we went to buy tickets, there was a sign for memberships. For about the price of two visits you could buy a years membership and get free parking, free admission, free tickets to the children's zoo and play zoo, a free guest pass every visit, and discounts on everything else. I decided to go for it, and I know it is going to be so worth it. We won't have to worry about bringing a bunch of extra money every time we go, and we can do just the things we want to without worrying about getting our money's worth.

They had this awesome new area called Stingray Bay. We got to hang out around the edge of a pool and touch stingrays as they swam past. Ben loved it from the beginning, and Joey just had to be convinced that they wouldn't sting him. We stayed for about an hour, and the boys were soaking wet by the time we left, but it was really cool.

This guy was a show-off. He kept popping his head out of the water and then he would slowly swim towards us until we could reach him, then move down to the next visitors.
Here's the coolest part of the day for the grown-ups: We got to watch baby pigs being born! The boys didn't care, but we found it fascinating.

And my personal favorite is always the gorillas. I love to watch their "human" qualities. Another treat for us: we were there when they were being fed. It was funny watching the little ones try to battle it out for a piece of food. And a couple of times a bigger one tried to take the little one's food, but they ran faster. The zookeeper tried to throw a piece right to the biggest gorilla, but he missed and it hit his arm. The look of indignation was just hilarious. For several minutes after that, he would rub his arm and look over to the zookeeper.So if anyone ever wants to go to the zoo, I have guest passes:)