I've been struggling with what to write about Ben's Dr appointment yesterday. I feel like we're getting into territory that I might not want to share. But since I started, I'll finish for now. Dr asked me lots of questions about what my concerns are and seemed most concerned about potential violence since he hits and kicks and throws things without concern for consequences. She recommended the Glenwood Testing Center and sent in a referral for me. She said that they will do a thorough evaluation and will not jump straight to ADD or ADHD. Just from what I told her (and the way he was acting in the room with her) she said oppositional defiant disorder, which is what I thought from the books I got at the library. She said that it sounds like we could use some help with behavior modification, and was very careful to make sure that I didn't feel blamed. I still feel guilty, but I'm telling myself that I just need someone who is an expert to teach me how to help Ben control some of his behavior. I even made the comment that I thought I was a good Mom before he came along and she firmly told me that I am a good Mom. She's seen me enough with the kids that she felt comfortable saying that. Then I got a wonderful card in the mail today saying I am a good Mom. (Thanks!) Maybe I can be a good Mom just by having everyone believe in me. I do think that if I wasn't a "good mom," I wouldn't be going through all this trouble to get us help. It does seem like it would be easier to just keep going as we have been. All of our imperfections are going to be under a microscope to figure out what is best and that makes me pretty uncomfortable.
So right now I could really use some good thoughts (prayers if you're the type) to get us to a happier place as a family. Thanks for your support.
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