Had to go buy a pg test at the Walgreens tonight. For some reason my period has been super regular, so I know right away when I'm late. Well, the test was negative, but it really got me thinking again. I miss holding my babies. I actually miss nursing in the middle of the night. The cute little baby outfits. The big belly. That first smile. And maybe I do still want a girl. I've been telling myself and everyone else I was done, but I was a bit dissappointed when there was only one line on that stick. But the rational side of me says what would I do for work? And where would the carseat fit? And Ben's already an attention hog, how would he react? And we can't afford it. And.... I just keep picturing that little baby in my arms. Oh dear. Now what? Someone else close to me better have a baby soon so I can get my fix, or we're in big trouble. I think Daddy would give me the go ahead, which is even scarier. And what about my depression? That's been a battle of late. So I think I'll try to find a baby to hold and not make one of my own for right now. The timing really isn't what I want, so it's for the best.
So I need to be thankful right now for what I've got. I'm thankful for school being almost done. I'm thankful for being able to wear green shoes. I'm thankful for cars that work. I'm thankful forboys who clean up the first time I ask. I'm thankful for all the support I recieve from everyone. Thank-you
No comments:
Post a Comment